bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
