I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
