I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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