Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i think i just lost a toe
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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