Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize