I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
