Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
is it fun? or sober?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
