farters have to be the big spoon...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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