i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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