I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize