we have pet lesbian snakes
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Farmville is her only friend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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