im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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