You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
