JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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