week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
