Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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