The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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