I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
