I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
