Why are handjobs necessary in class?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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