you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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