Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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