Your dad touched me again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
