Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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