Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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