I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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