The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
