Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
