Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
