I CAN MOONWALK!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
