your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
