Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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