I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
