i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
