Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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