Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How does one acquire holy water?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
