I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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