I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
