I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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