Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
