I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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