The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How does one acquire holy water?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
