this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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