she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
