WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
