i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
