So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
