Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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