The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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