Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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