I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
