never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
