4 words: hood of his car
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
