How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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