Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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