Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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