Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
