i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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