No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
