Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
