we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm at about main and main street
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize