i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
