oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
