Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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