PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
