Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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