He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
