So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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