i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
